Transitions

This has been a hell of a couple of weeks, I tell you.  My husband had a stroke and I was laid off from a job I’ve held for 5 years and truly loved.  But life moves on.  And transitions happen at all stages of life.  I seem to see many more happening in later years.  Or perhaps they are more challenging?  Not sure.

Transitions are a kind of grief, if not absolute grief, in that something is lost. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the Swiss psychiatrist tells us that grief has a series of 5 steps  that can occur in any order or not at all.  Those steps are denial, anger, bargaining, depressions, and acceptance.  I have a slight variation on her assessment.

While I’m processing all of the above myself, I do want to share what I’ve learned from past periods of extreme transition.  I’m hopeful that this will be as helpful this go-round as it has been in the past. I hope it helps you.

Let it flow, Let it flow, Let it flow

My fabulous brother gave me the best advice of all this week:  just let all of your emotions wash over you.  Don’t try to fight it since it’s useless anyway.  With a nod to Kubler-Ross’s 5 steps, I’d also add the emotions of confusion, desperation, sadness, and feeling trod upon.  The list is endless.  Just let these emotions take over.  Have a good cry or 6. Eat Ben and Jerry’s, hide, sleep a lot, and wallow in binge-watching Netflix.  Whatever. It’s all fine and part of the process. Don’t fight it, just give in.

Linger in the empty space

At some point this huge font of emotion will have played itself out. Really there is an end to it, even if you can’t possibly see that fact initially.  What usually remains is emptiness.  Now what?  I remember a time when I would wander into a huge bookstore and not have any idea what category I wanted to browse, and would walk right out again.  I was pretty lost and empty.  So be it.  

Where are you now?

As is true with my 5 Steps to Aging with Attitude , start with where you are. Can you define for yourself what’s up right now – without judgement, emotion, or evaluation - Just a clean statement of facts?  This lays the foundation for the next step.

Glimmers of clarity will start to appear

Being in that empty space allows little pinpoints of clarity to surface. An idea of what the future might look like, a small absence of all of that negative emotion, a bit of peace.  Acknowledge those glimmers so they don’t slip away and take baby, baby steps in the direction they are pointing you.

Baby steps

Those glimmers of clarity are showing you the way to the next phase of your life, pointing you away from the past and toward whatever the next thing will be. They could be as small as gravitating towards the gardening shelves at that bookstore, or remembering that you used to love to hike and you haven’t done that in ages and would like to.  It could be that you are compelled to reach out to an old work colleague just to reconnect and catch up. Take those first little steps!  Buy a gardening book, call a friend for a hike, or make that call.  And then stay open. Each baby step will lead to another and another.  Don’t overthink, just stay open. 

When you are ready, find your tribe.

Connecting with people who are going through a similar experience can be very helpful. It can also be dangerous as “pity parties” can take over.  Be careful.  But also be careful not to isolate.  Engaging with friends can be part of your healing and finding your way through transition.

I have found that there is no time line for all this. It can take days or months.  Again, so be it.  I’d love to hear your experiences with getting through periods of transition.  Please leave a comment below to share with our AWA community.