Transitions are a kind of grief, if not absolute grief, in
that something is lost. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the Swiss psychiatrist tells us
that grief has a series of 5 steps
that can occur in any order or not at all.
Those steps are denial, anger, bargaining, depressions, and acceptance. I have a slight variation on her assessment.
While I’m processing all of the above myself, I do want to
share what I’ve learned from past periods of extreme transition. I’m hopeful that this will be as helpful this
go-round as it has been in the past. I hope it helps you.
Let it flow, Let it flow, Let it flow
My fabulous brother gave me the best advice of all this week:
just let all of your emotions wash over
you. Don’t try to fight it since it’s
useless anyway. With a nod to
Kubler-Ross’s 5 steps, I’d also add the emotions of confusion, desperation,
sadness, and feeling trod upon. The list
is endless. Just let these emotions take
over. Have a good cry or 6. Eat Ben and
Jerry’s, hide, sleep a lot, and wallow in binge-watching Netflix. Whatever. It’s all fine and part of the process.
Don’t fight it, just give in.
Linger in the empty space
At some point this huge font of emotion will have played
itself out. Really there is an end to it, even if you can’t possibly see that
fact initially. What usually remains is
emptiness. Now what? I remember a time when I would wander into a huge
bookstore and not have any idea what category I wanted to browse, and would
walk right out again. I was pretty lost
and empty. So be it.
Where are you now?
As is true with my 5 Steps to Aging with Attitude
, start with where you are. Can you define for yourself what’s up right now –
without judgement, emotion, or evaluation - Just a clean statement of facts? This lays the foundation for the next step.
Glimmers of clarity will start to appear
Being in that empty space allows little pinpoints of clarity
to surface. An idea of what the future might look like, a small absence of all
of that negative emotion, a bit of peace.
Acknowledge those glimmers so they don’t slip away and take baby, baby
steps in the direction they are pointing you.
Baby steps
Those glimmers of clarity are showing you the way to the
next phase of your life, pointing you away from the past and toward whatever the
next thing will be. They could be as small as gravitating towards the gardening
shelves at that bookstore, or remembering that you used to love to hike and you
haven’t done that in ages and would like to.
It could be that you are compelled to reach out to an old work colleague
just to reconnect and catch up. Take those first little steps! Buy a gardening book, call a friend for a hike, or
make that call. And then stay open. Each
baby step will lead to another and another.
Don’t overthink, just stay open.
When you are ready, find your tribe.
Connecting with people who are going through a similar
experience can be very helpful. It can also be dangerous as “pity parties” can
take over. Be careful. But also be careful not to isolate. Engaging with friends can be part of your healing
and finding your way through transition.
I have found that there is no time line for all this. It can
take days or months. Again, so be
it. I’d love to hear your experiences
with getting through periods of transition.
Please leave a comment below to share with our AWA community.
